After the popular incident i really didn't want to acknowledge your presence already you know? I really didn't.
Like we were just walking along, talking & laughing and you suddenely turn around and tell me to get lost. Then you walk away and expect me to just leave you alone. What did I do wrong? I can understand if you want some personal time but you could have just told me couldn't you. Why did you have to suddenely change your attitude so quickly and leave me in a loss?
And then the next day you go around telling people that I was irritating. That I was a fucking retard who had nothing better to do than to follow you around when all I wanted to do was find out what was wrong and why you suddenely left. I tried to pretend that nothing had happened, walked up to you and smiled like I always did and i get brushed off with your hard words and looks. Did you have any idea how much it hurt?
Then i went home and thought. Since it dosen't matter to you, why should it matter to me? Then i thought that i was maybe reading too much into your words so again, i pretended that nothing had happened.
You told me that you 'can't take jokes' so I always watched what I would say to you so as not to make you angry. But, what makes you think that I can? More so when it is about our friendship?
Why is it that whatever I say, I will get beaten down but when others say the same things a zillion times, all you do is hit them lightly and laugh it off. Just what is it about me that makes you feel that I don't matter? Why do you have to ignore my feelings when I care about yours?
You can tell me jokes of all kinds, make fun of me, I don't mind. But did you have to tell me that I didn't matter, that I was redundant? You should know better, much better than anyone else that I have had very bad experiences relating to this matter. Because I told you everything, I confided in you. Yet you just don't really care do you? But i just don't get why you still do it. Why do you have to treat me this way? I really have had enough.
Sometimes, people just say and do things that makes you wonder to yourself, 'Why? Why are they doing this? Don't they know I have feelings too?' And it's sad to know that sometimes these people are your best friends.
Its not the first time nor do i think will it be the last. But for now, i don't think I have the energy to make up anymore. When I was younger, crying always seemed to be the only answer, now that I'm older, crying seems to be the only option.
I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one who could always brighten up a day even if she couldn't brighten her own.
The next time you wonder why it is that I'm so pessimistic or untrusting, just remember that it was you who made me this way.